Eveline

María Fernández Trava

He rushed beyond the barrier and called to her to follow. He was shouted at to go on but he still called to her. She set her white face to him, passive, like a helpless animal. Her eyes gave him no sign of love or farewell or recognition.

Did she make the right decision? That was all her mind could think of while she kept clutching the iron railing and looking into the mist. Did I just miss the opportunity to have the happy life I have always wanted?

People passed like they already knew about their paths in life. Was it really that difficult to discover hers?

“Sweetheart, are you ok? You look so pale.” An unknown voice spoke to her, but she could not notice it. She was lost in her thoughts.

“Oh my goodness! Look at your hands. You are bleeding!” She felt the warms hands helping her stop gripping the iron railing and as she slowly started to be conscious of what surrounded her, she noticed the cuts on the palms of her hands and jumped.

“Careful! Come, let me help you treat those wounds. It will be fast, yes?” She looked up and she saw a sweet yet concerned smile facing her. Still not in her senses, Eveline let the old lady guide her. It felt like the right thing to do.

After a short, silent walking, they arrived at a field. Her childhood memories were coming back and she wished she could go back.

“Sit down here, I’ll be back in a minute, so don’t worry. Ok?” She nodded. All the events that happened that day, her mother, the field going through her mind. It was overwhelming.

“I’m here! Let me see those hands again. I promise it won’t hurt.” The old lady softly held her hands and started cleaning the blood as Eveline kept reviving the moments again and again in her head. She felt so stupid; she could be heading to Buenos Ayres at that moment, with a bright future waiting for her. Now all she had was an enraged parent waiting for her to come back home, so she would have to bear with all his screams again.

No. This wasn’t what she wanted. Why? Why didn’t she leave? She didn’t want to go back to that place. Why didn’t she leave? She started hyperventilating.

“Oh no, darling! Am I being too harsh? I’m so sorry, I’ll try to be more careful. Wait, are you ok, sweetie?” The woman was shocked when she saw Eveline’s tears, but quickly she wiped them away.

“Tell me what is on your mind,” she said with a calm voice that felt so familiar and close to her.  She couldn’t take it anymore and started telling the lady about Frank, about her parents, about how the field seemed so familiar. Everything.

The woman smiled tenderly.

“Of course you did the right thing! You decided for yourself, without anybody’s help! That’s so brave.”

Eveline felt relieved after getting those thoughts out of her chest. Nevertheless, she still believed she had failed her mother.

“You know what? Us mothers only want our children to be happy, no matter what promises we’ve made. I’m sure your mother would be proud of how much you love and respect her; still, she wouldn’t want you to be in this situation. You don’t deserve to suffer like this, and your father needs help, he can’t keep treating you like that.”

The mist seemed to have almost disappeared and Eveline’s breathing went back to normal.

“You still have a long life to live and it’s totally ok if you still haven’t decided what to do. But it is important that you know that even if it’s always nice to have someone by your side, you can be happy by yourself. It is your life after all.”

“Thank you, Miss...” Eveline muttered.

“Nizzola. It’s Nizzola. Besides, why don’t you stay here and take a break if this field makes you feel so comfortable? I don’t mind.”

That was what Eveline did. It felt like what was stolen long ago from her had finally come back to her life. A tiny step forward to happiness that would be followed by some more soon enough, as that would not be the only time she would pay a visit to Nizzola’s place.

December 2018